I've realized that in my selfish decision to move back home, I've lost everything that mattered most. Everything that I worked so hard for.
He was my everything. Everything I knew & everything i was. We were perfect. The last thing I remember was when I showed up at his house for his birthday & his face just lit up, & it was the cutest thing ever. I gave him all of me for almost three years, & I loved every moment of it. He was my hero, & i became a better person because of him. & i let it all go...
My bestfriend, now has someone new. & I feel more than forgotten. I feel replaced & betrayed. But these feelings are just out of jealousy, & i feel this way so i dont feel regret. I know she still loves me but we've drifted. & I know its all my fault.
My dad. I know it was the hardest thing to live with him. Hes not the most honest, but his intentions were good. He was evil, but he only wanted what was best for me. He worked so hard for me. To keep me out of trouble & provide for me. He kept food on the table & did the best he could so that I was always okay. I know he worked so hard for me, & I know i broke his heart moving back to Hawaii. He's slowly dying & I should have been spending this time with him because this is time that I'll never get back. He did so much for me, & now we dont even talk & we barely have a relationship. & its killing me.
My brother. He used to be my hero. He always used to have my back. & Now, its like hate between us. I've dissapointed him the most.
My friends & family. I miss them so much. they were always there & my support. Just when everyone decides to grow up & change I move, & dint get to see any growth in anyone or their relationships with others. I've missed out on so much & it kills me.
Hawaii was my life, but i made a new one in Cali. & i just up & left in a week. I wasnt thinking & sometimes i feel i made a mistake, but i guess everything happens for a reason right. Its killing me but i made the choice & now i have to deal with it.
